


Summer Skeletons

by KayMayStarache



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Human Castiel, Kid Fic, M/M, OC - Allison Carter, Oblivious Dean, Parenthood, Pining Castiel, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2587439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayMayStarache/pseuds/KayMayStarache
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With things slowing down in the Winchester’s lives, it looks like the boys finally have some time to rest. But when Dean runs into an old flame, the brothers and Castiel find themselves in a situation none of them could have imagined. Dean, Sam, and Castiel must fight along a path of love, loss, and the struggle to find happiness in order to build the family they never thought they wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She Lit A Fire

To enhance reading experience, listen to [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oin3wusN848)

* * *

 

Sam is grumbling and bitching about Dean’s poor lunch choices when it happens.

Him and Sam had finished up the job early, and _obviously_ that meant they had to stop at the diner they passed on the way out of town. The sign out front had claimed they had “the best pie in the country”, how could he resist?  They were just pulling in to the parking lot of the motel they were currently staying at, Sam halfway through another lecture about how “salad is so much better for you Dean!” when he spots it.

A 1978 Monte Carlo, deep green.

His stomach churns and he thinks _shit_ before his brain catches up and puts the odds of it being **_her_** to 1 in a million. He’s vaguely aware of Sam asking if he’s okay, so he shakes his head and gets out of the car. His back is turned to the Monte Carlo, and he hears whoever owns it step out of their motel room and down the sidewalk.

“Dean? Dean Winchester?!”

_shit_

He knows that voice. Should have known it’d be her car, it’s just his luck.

Sam shoots him a questioning look, and he winces but turns to face her.

“Allison! Hey!”

“Wow! I definitely didn’t expect to see you here.”

Allison is just as beautiful as he remembers. Her chocolate brown hair has gotten longer since the last time he saw her, falling over her shoulders and curling at the ends. She’s dressed in a gorgeous ankle-length sun dress with a denim jacket thrown over top.

“Uh, yeah we’re just passing through” Dean finally says, stepping forward to bring her into his arms.

“Its good to see you again” she mutters into his shoulder. He lets go and pulls her to arms length so he can get a good look at her.

He lets his eyes travel over her face, her features soft and eyes a golden honey brown. Dean’s gaze moves down slowly, and stops when he comes to her stomach. Allison was never the ‘skinny as a twig’ kind, but she wasn’t overly curvy either. But Dean knows her belly didn’t protrude like that when he met her 4 months ago. He thinks it’s best not to mention it, so he backs up a step and throws an arm around his brother, who is standing awkwardly behind him watching the whole exchange take place.

“Allison, this is my brother Sam. Sam, Allison.”

And Sam, being the polite loser that he is, takes her hand with a perfect poker face.

“Sam Winchester. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise” Allison answers, “Dean mentioned you a couple times during our-,” her eyes flick to Dean, “-brief time together.”

Sam seems a little bit thrown by the statement and turns his head to look at Dean. Well shit.

He has to deflect the conversation, and fast.

“Hey, so what are you doing in town? Salem, Virginia is a little far from Arizona isn’t it?” He chuckles uncomfortably. Allison looks weary, like she’s been on the road for days. She looks a little pale too, more so than he remembers.

“Oh I uh-” Allison shifts from foot to foot, adjusting the strap of her purse across her shoulder. Dean lifts his eyebrows at her, waiting for her to continue. “My mom lives here – lived here – she just, passed away.” She sighs, averting her eyes and staring down at a spot on the pavement.

“Oh fuck…Allison I’m so sorry.” Dean scrubs a hand down his face, looking over at Sam whose got that wounded puppy look on his face. 

“It’s alright.” She says quietly, “Her funeral was yesterday…it was nice. Small.”

Dean gives a pained smile at that, he knows a thing or two about small funerals. It’s only then that it hits him that she’s staying at a motel and not with family.

“I don’t mean to be nosy, but uh- don’t you have anyone to stay with? Ya know, instead of staying in a crap place like this?” Allison lifts her head to meet his gaze, finally, and her golden eyes are glistening with tears.

A simple “Not really.” is all she offers. Well, now is as good a time as any to bring up her rounded stomach.

“What about your…boyfriend?” Allison just stares at him, eyebrows scrunched together.

“fiance?” more confused staring.

“huuussband..?” he tries again. Allison’s eyebrows return to their natural location on her face and she lets out a peal of laughter.

“You think I’m married?!” she giggles. Either shes laughing because he’s hit the mark, or she’s laughing because he’s dead wrong. And damn he hopes its the first one because he’s going to feel like a royal ass if not. “Why? Because im-” she stops and points down at her belly, placing her other hand on her hip. God, she’s gorgeous. Dean nods dumbly, shrugging a little. Allison doesn’t say anything after that, so he takes the opening.

“How far along?”

Allison seems to shrink in on herself at that, her eyes wide and cheeks going red. She looks like a frightened animal, but she looks him dead in the eyes and says “4 months.”

The lights finally turn on upstairs in Dean’s head, and he starts to connect the dots.

He and Sam had been on a case back in Surprise, Arizona a few months ago. Dean remembers how frustrated he had been, their leads were going nowhere and more people were dying on his watch. Naturally, he had found the towns closest bar and parked his ass on a stool for a couple of hours. He was less than halfway through with his second whiskey when she sat down next to him.

Allison Carter, 28, free-spirited and completely his type. As it turned out, she wasn’t interested… in the beginning at least. When he says she played hard to get, boy did she play hard to get. But their case was at a stand still and he had a few days left in town, so he humored her. Until it started turning into something more than just chasing some tail..

Dean’s always been one to love ‘em and leave ‘em. He knows this, he’s even a little bit proud of it. Any reputation is a good reputation in his opinion. He knows the dangers that come with forming attachments and that’s why he never makes any, but with Allison.. it was just natural. He found himself wanting to get to know more about her, her life, her dreams. Fuck he was in deep. He’d come back to the motel every night after being with Allison with this dopey grin on his face and a tingly feeling all over. It was a feeling he had only experienced three times in his life, with Cassie, Lisa, and once again.. with-. Anyways, he was- shit – he was happy. Sam only commented on his attitude once, but after Dean had grumbled a “mind your own fuckin’ business.” he had left it alone. In the end he got 4 amazing, unreal, erotic, days with Allison. She was beautiful and wickedly funny, not to mention a total animal in the sack. Dean was reluctant to leave, but hey- family business and all.

4 months ago.

That’s how long it had been. Oh fuck. Shit. Fucking shit. His hands are starting to shake and there’s black spots popping up in the corners of his eyes. Allison reaches out a hand as if to steady him, hes obviously swaying on his feet more than he thinks. Jesus, he’s dizzy.

“You- you mean? Ok. Me? Im-?” He can’t come up with anything else, so he just points a trembling finger at her stomach.

Allison still looks like she wants to run and hide in a corner, but she nods her head very slowly, her hand now stroking his upper arm soothingly.

“Shit. Ohhhhshit.” Dean covers his face with his hands. This _cannot_ be happening.

Meanwhile, Sam has obviously began to put the pieces together in his own mind and grabs Dean by the shoulders.

“uh, Allison?” Sam smiles as genuinely as he can. “Do you think you could give me and my brother a couple minutes to talk? You can wait in our room if you’d like. Uhm- here.”

Allison takes the keys from Sam’s grasp and responds with a small “of course.” before she slips the key into the door and disappears inside.

Dean is still trembling like a _fucking chihuahua –_ but he can’t seem to calm down. There’s a continuous mantra of “ _nononono_ ” going through his mind. It was four days…it had only been four days, and now he’s stuck in the one place he didn’t want to be. Fatherhood. Oh _god_ he needs a drink.

“Yeah no shit, me too.” Sam chuckles. Dean realizes he’s just said that out loud. “Dude – WHAT is going on?” Sam questions, a hand steady on Dean’s shoulder. His throat suddenly feels so dry.

“It was- It was back in Arizona. Back on that double Wendigo case…you remember how – _jesus_ – how fucked up I was about losing those people. All those god damn people Sammy…” He can feel the sting of tears behind his eyes, but forces it down. “I went out to the bar-”

“Naturally”

“Shut up Sam. I went out to the bar, perfectly content to just booze away my problems an-”

“As one does”

“Are you gonna shut the hell up and let me tell you what’s going on or are you gonna continue being a smart ass?”

Sam smiles a little, but gives him a tense nod as a signal to continue.

“I was there, still feeling like _shit_ no matter how many drinks I had. But then…christ – then Allison sat down next to me and everything just kinda… faded.” Dean sighs and wipes a clammy hand across his face, “She was – funny, witty, fuckin’ drop dead gorgeous. You know me, I went for it”

“So you’re telling me this poor girl is pregnant now because you couldn’t keep it in your pants four months ago?! So you could what – get it in for the night??! Dean I swear If you don-”

Dean’s head snaps up, eyes glazed over but wild with anger.

“Don’t **WHAT** Sam?! What am I supposed to do..huh?!” He yells, “I was with her for four nights! I was fucking drawn to her, who knows why, but here we are!”

Sam is giving him the sad puppy eyes and he has to avert his gaze back down to the pavement before he starts crying like the coward he knows he is.

“Dean… man you gotta figure this out.” Sam sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah.. I know. I just- I can’t Sammy. I can’t do this.”

“Well…Why not?”

Dean’s head snaps up so fast he’s pretty sure he put a kink in his neck. _Perfect_.

“What do you mean ‘why not?’ are you brain damaged or something?”

Sam huffs an exasperated sigh.

“No Dean, just think about it. We have the bunker now… there’s plenty of extra rooms. I mean – you like this girl, right? You like Allison?”

“Yeah, I do” Dean answers, voice rough from suppressing tears.

“Enough to have a – a baby with her?” Sam asks him cautiously.

Dean flinches minutely at the word ‘baby’ but nods his head in affirmation.

“Ok,” Sam takes a deep breath “then you _can_ do this. And I’ll be here to help.” He offers his older brother a comforting smile, one that he hopes doesn’t reveal that he’s just as shaken as Dean.

Dean is taking shallow breaths through his nose and exhaling out through his mouth, trying to fight off the sudden wave of nausea that’s just overcome him. Jesus, he’s gonna be a dad. Sam is anxiously switching his weight from foot to foot and Dean knows what’s coming next. He lifts his head to look at his younger brother.

“Does she uh – does she know.. about what we do?” Sam questions, running a hand through his hair.

Dean is opening his mouth to answer when there’s a loud crash and a blood curdling scream from inside the motel room. Both brothers spring into action at the same moment, sprinting the short distance to the door. Dean reaches it first and yanks the door open so hard it almost rips off the hinges, Sam close behind. It takes him 2 seconds to register Allison cowering in the corner of the mini-kitchen, purse clutched tightly to her chest and the toaster broken in half on the floor. It takes him another 2 seconds to realize her petrified gaze is focused on Cas, who is standing in the middle of the room, eyes wide and switching between the brothers and the strange woman in the kitchen.

“I – I apologize.” Cas stutters, “You told me to meet you here after you ate.”

 _“oh shit, that’s right”_   Dean thinks. He shoots Cas an annoyed look and walks over to Allison, who is still shivering against the kitchen counter. She looks scared enough to puke, so Dean moves in front of her to block her view of Castiel.

“Hey, Allison. Everything’s oka-” Dean can’t even get the whole sentence out of his mouth before Allison is screeching.

“WHO IS HE?! HOW DID HE GET IN HERE?! I WAS JUST SITTING HERE, AT THE TABLE, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I FELT THIS BREEZE AND HE WAS STANDING IN THE ROOM AND I-I” She starts hyperventilating and Sam rushes over to help Dean keep her steady.

“Whoa whoa okay hey – hey we’re gonna sit you down okay?” Sam asks her, voice soft and reassuring.

Allison nods weakly, her skin paler than before, and allows Dean to take her hand and Sam the other as they lead her to a chair at the table. She’s obviously not calmed down enough to talk, so Dean straightens up and makes his way over to Cas. The angel is just standing there in the middle of the room, with this far off look of sadness in his eyes as he watches Dean come over.

“I truly am sorry. I did not intend to-”

“It’s alright Cas. She’s gonna be fine. You just gave her a good scare is all.” Dean bumps his shoulder against Castiel’s, just to reassure him. The sad look on Cas’ face doesn’t fade however, and he looks wistfully over Dean’s shoulder.

He sighs softly and whispers, “she threw the toaster at me…”

Dean lets out a snort of laughter and claps a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. He can’t help it, the guy looks so stressed about the scene he’s just caused. Cas’ eyebrows scrunch together as he looks Dean in the face once again, setting his lips in a tight line. He apparently doesn’t find this as funny as Dean does, but whatever.

“C’mon, I’ll introduce you to her.” Dean was convinced Castiel’s eyes couldn’t get any wider than they already were, but he’s just been proved wrong. Cas stares at him in obvious horror, his eyes the size of saucers. He starts voicing his opposition by mumbling, “Dean, I do not wish to unsettle her further-” but he allows himself to be hauled across the room by his arm. Dean plops him down in the seat across from Allison, who is now talking quietly to Sam, and clears his throat. Cas turns his head and looks up at Dean over his shoulder as if to say, “Please don’t do this to me.” but Dean just ignores him and smiles easily at Allison, gaining her attention.

“So Allison.. this guy here-” Dean sets his hands on Cas’ shoulders, “is Castiel.”


	2. Who Are You Really?

To enhance reading experience, listen to [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSBS5BwkcmY)

* * *

 

If Dean had known revealing the truth to Allison would have gone the direction it had, he would have kept his big ass mouth shut. Dean was good at lying, he'd been doing it his whole life. He could tell when _other_ people were lying he had been lying so long and so well. It would have been simple for him to pull Sam and Cas aside, conjure up some bullshit story, and get Ally to believe it. Hell, he'd done it plenty of times before. But something about Allison made him want to be achingly, wholeheartedly honest. Maybe it was the fact that she was carrying his child, and he knew if he lied to her about..well..his whole _life,_ he'd never forgive himself. So they had went with the truth.

 Bad. Fucking. Idea.

 After going through the basic, “Hi my name is Dean, and this is my brother Sam. We hunt monsters.” spiel, they decided to move on to the more pressing matter at hand. That matter being that Allison had just seen a dark-haired man in a trench coat appear from thin air in the middle of their motel room. Yeah, explaining _that_ was a little bit challenging. Cas was, naturally, no help what so ever. He sat there with his head down, staring at his hands in his lap. He would cast an occasional glance over his shoulder, where Dean was still standing with his hands planted firmly on Cas' shoulders to keep him from bolting.

 “So. You're telling me..” Allison swallows, “That you and – and your brother.. stopped the apocalypse, with the help of...Castiel? Who is – an angel.” Her eyes switch nervously between Dean and Sam, purposefully avoiding Cas.

 

“That's right.” Sam answers, his face soft. “Cas is one of the good guys. Promise.”

 

At that Castiel finally looks up and offers Allison a small smile over the table.

“I'm very sorry for frightening you. I did not intend to alarm you or make you feel threatened in any way.”

 

Dean rolls his eyes. Cas is so _formal_ it makes him want to gag. Allison is eying him carefully, but then the suspicion evaporates from her face and she smiles warmly at Castiel.

 “That's alright, angel.” She says, running a hand over her pregnant stomach. “we both forgive you.”

She smiles up at Dean, and _shit_ if his heart doesn't melt right then and there. He almost forgot how amazing and understanding she was. The room lapses into silence as Castiel and Allison smile at each other across the table and Dean and Sam are forced to watch. Everything is getting a bit too 'chick flick' for Dean, so he smacks his hands down painfully hard on Cas' shoulders, making him jump.

 “Well then! Now that that's all settled...I guess the next step is heading out.”

 

“Wait – heading out where?” Allison questions, the smile falling from her face.

 

Sam moves over to place a hand on her arm in reassurance, because she looks close to another panic attack.

 “We're not going anywhere without you Allison, don't worry. Dean and I have plenty of space in the bunker for you and the baby.”

 

Allison's face is the pinnacle of confusion.

 “Bunker?”

 

“Yeah,” Dean interjects, “An underground bunker. Fully furnished, stocked library on everything that goes bump in the night, the whole nine. We kind of...inherited it.”

 

Allison is still looking at them like they've all grown two heads, but she nods slowly anyway.

 “Okay...where is this place?”

 

 “Kansas.” Dean answers, shifting around Castiel's chair to pick up his duffel bag.“We should be able to get there by tomorrow night if we leave now.”

 

Allison looks at him nervously and reaches out for his hand, which he offers eagerly.

“Are you _sure_ you have the room for.. all of this?” She asks quietly, giving his hand a small squeeze.

Dean opens his mouth to respond, but Cas beats him to it.

 

“The bunker is very large and extremely safe, I am sure there is adequate space for you and your baby.”

 Dean just points his thumb at Cas in a _'yeah, what he said'_ manner, before letting go of Allison's hand and picking up his duffel once again.

 

“We'll get on the road in about an hour. I'm going to start packing up the car, but Sam can help you get your stuff together..if you'd like.”

 

“My-My car?” She stutters, “I can't just leave it here.”

 

Sam pipes up, “Don't worry about it. I'll follow behind in your car.”

Allison looks vaguely unsettled, but nods her head in confirmation.

 She finally stands, keeping one hand on the table top to steady herself.

 

“Okay. But, if it's not too much trouble...I think I'd rather have Castiel help me pack.”

 

Dean's eyebrows shoot to the top of his head, and he looks over at Sam who is wearing a similar expression. Cas, however, seems unfazed by Allison's remark and is in the process of standing up to make his way over to her.

 

“woah woah woah – hang on a second. Cas? You want Cas to help you?” Dean babbles, moving his hands wildly. Allison and Castiel both turn to look at him, with ' _what the hell is your problem'_ written on both of their faces.

 

“That's what I said..” Allison nods once in affirmation. Dean is just kind of standing in the middle of the kitchen with his hands frozen in the air, mouth agape. Castiel takes that as his cue to continue moving towards the woman, passing Dean as he does so. A warm hand on his shoulder shakes Dean from his stupified trance and he looks away from Allison to find Cas' blue eyes in his face. _So close._

 Cas smiles comfortingly and steals a glance at Allison. “I will help her Dean – It's no trouble.”

 _That's not the point jackass_ is what Dean wants to say, but what comes out of his mouth is: “Yeah. Sure, okay.”


	3. The Boat

To enhance reading experience, listen to [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BsdvheY4Uk)

* * *

 

Somehow, between packing the shit in her room and getting in the car, Allison and Cas have become best friends. Dean is just throwing the last of their bags into the trunk when Castiel emerges from the motel room with Allison, offering his arm for support and opening the Impala's passenger door for her.

 _How cute. Ugh._ Dean wants to vomit.

 “Hey Cas, you takin' the ride with us?” Dean says, bumping his shoulder into his friends.

 “Allison has asked me to stay until we reach Kansas. So yes, it appears I will be 'hitching a ride' as you would say.”

 Dean can't even do anything but smile at the guy. There's this weird feeling in his gut, like jealousy, but he's more overwhelmed with the feeling of relief that he doesn't even care. Sam throws him the keys to the Impala, jumps in Allison's Monte Carlo and in 5 minutes they're pulling out of the parking lot. Dean behind the wheel, Allison by his side, and Cas sitting quietly in the backseat.

 Nightfall comes quickly, and Dean has to stop for coffee twice. As much as he loves driving, he's been lacking on good sleep lately and driving in the middle of the night is definitely not helping. Pretty early on in the trip, Cas and Allison had switched places so that she could lie down on the backseat to sleep. She has been dead to the world ever since. Dean peeks a glance in the rear view mirror and smiles. Allison is fast asleep, head lolling on the seat and mouth open with her arms crossed over her stomach. Affection lurches hard and sudden in Dean's chest and he swallows around the lump in his throat.

 He can feel Cas' eyes on him, and looks away from the road momentarily.

“What?” He snaps, cringing a little at how defensive he sounds.

 “You love her. I can see it.” Castiel says quietly, like a secret. Although, there's a certain tone to his voice that almost sounds like admiration.

 Dean takes a shaky breath and looks over at the angel sitting next to him. “What?” He asks again, softer this time.

 “The way that you talk to her. Connect to her. Look at her. It is _love_ , I can see it.”

 Cas states it like its a damn fact he's reading out of a text book. There suddenly isn't enough air in the car and Dean's knuckles turn white around the steering wheel.

 “She's carrying my baby Cas, of course I care about her.”

 “No.”

 Dean startles. “I'm sorry?”

 “I said no.” Cas repeats, “I know that you care for her. But you also love her.”

 Dean's mouth does that thing again where it moves, but no words come out. Eventually he gives up on trying to form a sentence and resolves to staring intensely at the road. He refuses to make eye contact with Castiel again, even when his friend whispers, “Dean..” in the dark of the car.

 Love. Dean doesn't do the L-word. He's pretty sure he's only told a few people he's _loved_ them, and by 'a few' he means he can count them on one hand.

 “If it is any consolation,” Cas continues, despite Dean's obvious choice to ignore him, “I am fairly certain she loves you as well.”

 

* * *

 

The rest of the trip to Kansas is uneventful. Allison is awake for most of the ride after sleeping for a full 8 hours in the backseat, and is determined to make them stop every 2 hours so she can use the restroom. Dean is happy to oblige, but with the conversation that just took place mere hours ago, he's itching to be on the road as much as he can. After Castiel's declaration, Dean had chosen to ignore his rapid heart rate and sweaty palms in favor of getting to the bunker as fast (and with as little talking) as possible.

 They make it there in record time, with the sun just starting to set on the next day. Sam parks the Monte Carlo next to the Impala and they start heaving bag after bag out of the trunks and in to the bunker.

Castiel opens the door for Allison and leads her inside, hand in hand. He helps her down the stairs and she thanks the angel with a kiss to his cheek once they reach the bottom. Dean witnesses the whole exchange and accidentally gags audibly from where he stands in the foyer.

 Sam snorts. “Jealous much?”

 “Shut up, bitch.” Dean turns away and begins pulling all their weapons out of the duffel bags.

 “Jerk. Seriously, Dean. I don't really think Cas is Allison's type. Especially considering it's _your_ baby she's carrying. I'm pretty sure you have nothing to worry about.”

  _THAT'S NOT THE POINT!_ Dean wants to scream. But to be honest, he doesn't really know what the point is.

 “Whatever.” is all he mutters, meticulously placing every knife down on the table.

 Sam rolls his eyes and picks up his duffel bag.

“Have fun at your little pity party, I'll be in my room.” he says, and bids Cas and Allison a goodnight.

 

Allison approaches him shortly after, Castiel close on her heels, and touches Dean softly on the arm.

“Is um- is it ok if I head to bed too? It's been a long day.”

 Dean stops what he's doing to look her in the face for the first time since arriving, and notices how tired she looks. Her face is losing color again, and she looks more worn out than anyone else.

“Yeah, Yeah of course. God, I'm sorry Ally. I know this must be crazy for you...I'm sorry.”

 “Please Dean, don't apologize.” She smiles, reaching out again to take his hand in hers. “I'm glad, more than anything, that I'm finally here. With you.”

 Dean feels that heart-stopping lurch of affection again, and kisses the back of her hand before tugging her into a hug. She's warm, despite how pale she looks, and smells like cinnamon and something that screams _home_ in the back of his mind. It's comforting, and the longer he holds onto her, the less he wants to let go. Her hands rub in small circles on his back, and he feels her sigh into his neck sending goosebumps through his whole body.

 He almost forgets they have an audience, until he opens his eyes and see's Castiel standing two feet away, arms crossed and a sad smile on his face. It's only then that Dean pulls away, and tells Allison to follow him to his room.

 Cas follows quietly behind, and stops in the doorway when Dean throws Allison's belongings on the bed.

 “If my services are no longer needed, I should be leaving.” Castiel shifts uneasily, his voice sounding rougher than usual.

 Allison nearly knocks Dean over in her rush to get to Cas. “Wait-Wait! You're not staying? Where are you going?!”

 She looks like she's on the verge of another panic attack, and Castiel's eyes go wide and terrified at her sudden interrogation. The poor guy looks like he's about to piss his pants from fear, so Dean steps between him and Allison with his hands raised innocently in the air.

 “Ally – hey. Listen, you want Cas to stay? Is that what you want?”

 Allison has reverted to her frightened animal expression and she nods her head rapidly, eyes shifting back and forth between Dean and over his shoulder at Castiel. She inhales deeply and exhales out through her nose, calming herself down.

 Castiel takes the brief pause in hysteria to move around Dean to stand in front of Allison once again.

“Allison Riley Carter... I swear on the lives of my brothers and sisters that I will not leave you if you do not wish it.” He takes her hand gently in both of his and squeezes it tight, smiling at her gently.

 

_What the fuck._

 Dean can't exactly comprehend what just happened, but he's about 98% sure Cas is pulling moves on his chick. The hell is he doing, promising her shit like that? He realizes a little too late that his face is scrunched up in obvious disgust because Castiel is already facing him, Allison's hand still in his, and asking “Dean..?”

 “What the fuck?!”

 This time he says it out loud, and Cas reels back as though he's been slapped.

 “Dean, What-”

“NO. No Cas, What the fuck? What the FUCK?!” Dean shouts, stepping closer to Castiel until they're nose to nose. Cas looks like a deer trapped in headlights and Dean thinks ' _good. BE scared.'_

 “I want to know what's going on right now. From both of you.” He accuses, “Why are you both so buddy buddy? Huh?”

Dean's blood is boiling, his voice riding on the edge of mania, and that's when he notices that Allison is crying.

 She's not sobbing, but there are definite tears running down her cheeks. She blinks out another fat tear when Dean's eyes leave Castiel's to find hers. Dean immediately softens and simply stares at her in question.

 “He calms the baby.” Allison blurts. Dean's eyes go impossibly wide, and he looks at Castiel to find his friends gaze trained on the floor.

 “Before, I was having constant pains. The baby... never stopped moving around, never settled. I thought maybe it was because I was stressed, and the baby felt that too..” She wipes away a tear with the back of her hand. “But as soon as he- this angel- showed up, the baby stopped.”

 Dean feels like a royal ass. Cas hasn't looked up from his spot on the ground, and Allison's bottom lip trembles when she looks over at him.

 “I don't know how, or why.” She sniffles, “but he calms the baby, and it makes me feel safe. I don't want that to go away. Please.”

If Dean thought he couldn't feel any worse about the situation, he was dead wrong. He doesn't know what to do, or what to say. There's a lump in his throat the size of a golf ball and all that he can force out past it is, “I'm sorry.”

 And in true Winchester fashion, he leaves the room.


	4. Whatever Lola Wants

To enhance reading experience, listen to [this. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owrMEympUVo)

* * *

The weeks pass slowly. Cas sticks around the bunker, trailing at Allison’s heels like a lost puppy and cowering under Dean’s disapproving gaze whenever they cross paths. Truth is, Dean doesn’t even know why he’s mad. Allison had explained to him why she wanted Castiel around, and if having the angel around makes her feel safe then Dean should be all-aboard the Cas train. But he’s not. Seeing Castiel everywhere he turns kind of makes him on edge, like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop or something.

Dean wishes he could just be an asshole and tell Cas to beat it, find something else to do and leave Allison’s side for 2 fucking seconds. But when he wakes one morning to Carmen McRae's voice crooning through the record player and Cas standing in their kitchen with pancake batter splattered all over himself and a pan in his hand that is covered with burnt eggs, he can’t help but think he likes having the nerdy dude around.

“Cas, what the hell are you doing?”

The pan almost hits Dean square in the forehead when Castiel spins around, startled.

“Whoa! Easy there Babe Ruth.”

Dean chuckles and takes the pan out of Castiel’s hand, placing it on the counter behind him. 

“I uhm- I was just uh-“  Cas stutters.

“T-t-t-today junior.”

That gets Dean a dirty look and he grins cheekily back.  Cas’ cheeks are flushed, and Dean can’t help but notice that he looks a little bit embarrassed.

“I was… _attempting_ to make breakfast. As you can see- it hasn’t been working out in my favor.” Cas grumbles, hands flying up in the air and smacking back down against his legs in defeat.

Dean can feel the smile tugging at the edges of his lips, and he lets it spread across his face. He’s been doing a lot of that lately, letting himself be happy. It feels good.

Seeing an all-powerful being getting so frustrated with the simple task of frying up some pancakes and eggs is so ridiculously funny that he can’t help the laugh from escaping past his lips. He moves to saddle himself up next to Cas, and grabs everything he needs to make pancakes and eggs.

“Here, I’ll show ya how it’s done.”

Cas looks at him strangely, a hint of affection in his gaze. He doesn’t say anything though, simply smiles when Dean isn’t looking and watches the hunter prepare breakfast. He would like to stay.

Dean pretty much makes breakfast all by himself, Cas only sticking around to hand him stuff when he needs it and stare at him with a dumb look on his face like Dean has just shown him the answer to the universe. It’s a little unnerving, but just as he’s about to make a snarky comment for Castiel to, “take a picture, it will last longer”, Allison shuffles in, stifling a yawn behind her fist.

Cas finally kicks his lazy ass into gear and asks Allison if she wants some tea. She smiles and nods in affirmation, humming appreciatively when Dean sets down a plate of pancakes and eggs in front of her.  She wastes no time in shoveling a forkful of pancake into her mouth, groaning with happiness.

“Well good morning to you too.” Dean chuckles, pouring more pancake batter onto the skillet. Sam is probably going to be back from his morning run soon, and Dean is making it his personal mission to make him eat at least 4 pancakes.

By the time he has the pancakes stacked on another plate, Allison is already done with her breakfast and washing her plate in the sink. She leans up on her toes to peck Dean on the cheek, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I’m glad I’m here..” she whispers.

Dean turns his body so that he’s facing her fully and pulls her into his arms, her round stomach forcing a gap between them. He ducks his head and presses against soft, pink lips. “ _Everything about her is perfect”_ he thinks as Allison angles her head to deepen the kiss, sighing happily into his mouth. He pulls away reluctantly, nipping at her lower lip as he goes. He’d like to continue the festivities, but he thinks he may have already burnt Sam’s eggs.

“I’m glad you’re here too.” Dean mumbles, kissing the corner of Allison’s mouth.

She smiles at him lazily, slipping out of his embrace. “I’m gonna go find Cas.” Is all she says before walking slowly out of the kitchen. Dean thinks he could get used to this.

It’s only about five minutes later that Sam comes in from his run and sits down at the table, barely getting out a “morning” before he’s stuffing his face with eggs and pancakes. Dean internally fist pumps.

Just as Sam is finishing up and Dean is making his own plate of breakfast Cas reappears, fists clenched at his sides and an uneasy expression on his face.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Sam asks.

Cas’ eyes shift from brother to brother, Dean waving the spatula he’s using to flip pancakes in the air.

“Spit it out Cas, what’s up?”

“I-I would prefer…If I could speak to the two of you in private.”

His eyes are watery and red-rimmed, it makes Dean’s skin crawl. Angels shouldn’t cry.

“Yeah, sure Cas.” Dean says softly, “We’ll meet you in my room in a minute.”

“Thank you.” Castiel’s voice is gruff and unsteady, but his face is stoic. He nods once and stalks out of the kitchen, trench coat flapping behind him.

The brothers exchange wary looks, but get up to make their way to Dean’s room. Whatever it is Cas has to tell them, Dean hopes it has nothing to do with Allison. Or worse yet, the baby.


	5. Timshel

To enhance reading experience, listen to[ this. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl-VCHzS1So)

* * *

 

When the boys shuffle in to the room Cas is already there seated on the edge of Dean’s bed, head in his hands. Sam shoots Dean a concerned look and moves to stand in front of Castiel, clearing his throat to get his attention. Dean peeks out into the hallway to make sure Allison isn’t anywhere nearby, and then closes the door over quietly.

 “So what’s going on?” He questions as Cas lifts his head.

 His eyes are even redder than before, and Dean’s breath leaves him like a punch to the gut when he sees the tear tracks on Cas’ cheeks.

 “Cas, what’s wrong?” Sam urges, glancing over at Dean to silently urge him to come further into the room. Dean doesn’t want to move. He doesn’t want to hear whatever horrible news is going to come out of Cas’ mouth, what it was that brought an angel of the Lord to tears.

 Cas’ voice is wrecked when he finally speaks, he sounds like he’s been gargling rocks.

 “Heaven has cut me off. Officially.” He says, with such finality that it hardly hits either of them.

 Sam is the one who speaks first.

 “What does that mean, exactly?”

 Cas sighs and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes so hard Dean winces.

“It means.. - my grace is leaving me. Slowly. But it _is_ leaving. I’ll be all but useless to you soon.”

 There’s a palpable silence in the room, none of them speaking or moving. Dean wants – well – he’s not sure what he wants. He just knows he doesn’t like the feeling spinning around in his stomach and the knot in his throat. He wants Sam to stop looking at him like he’s supposed to know what to do or say. And he absolutely wants the tears to stop quietly trailing down Castiel’s cheek as he sits on Dean’s bed. So of course the first thing that comes out of his mouth is completely selfish.

 “Does Allison know?”

 Cas’ expression crumbles, and a fresh batch of tears well up in his eyes. _Nice going Winchester_ , Dean mentally slaps himself.

 “Yes. She knows. I… spoke to her earlier, when she came looking for me.”

 Sam finally stops wringing his hands together like a drug addict suffering withdrawals and pipes up.

 “How did she take it? I mean, did she seem upset?”

 “She was distressed when I gave her the news” Cas mutters, covering his eyes with his hands again. “She asked to be alone.”

 Sam mumbles a quick, “yeah, right. Okay.” And then gestures with a thumb to the door, silently excusing himself to find Allison.

 And then there Dean is.

Sitting in his room with his best friend. His _crying_ best friend.

God he could use some liquid strength right now.

 “Listen Cas…” he starts off, “I know what Heaven meant – _means_ – to you… but if those sorry sons’a’bitches think you’re not good enough, then fuck ‘em.”

 Okay, so maybe not the best pep talk to give to an angel, but Dean’s trying. Sam is usually the one giving the gooey doe-eyed speeches, not him. He winces and tries to think of something better to say, pulling over the chair in the corner of his room to sit in front of Cas.

 Wet, blue eyes meet Dean’s green ones and he all but collapses. It’s like he can see every fear and doubt splayed open on Cas’ face. The poor bastard has just had everything he’s ever known taken away from him, and here Dean is telling him it’s no big deal – _Christ_.

 Cas’ voice is still watery when he speaks, but he’s gained back some of his composure enough to sit up straight.

 “Dean. I completely understand if you no longer want me around. I know that I won’t be much help, and you have far more pressing matters to worry abo-“

“woah woah woah! Hang on Cas. You – are you worried we’re gonna kick you outta here?!”

Castiel’s silence is all the answer Dean needs.

 “Cas… man, we’re not _kicking you out_ ” he scoffs as Cas looks down at his hands. “You’re family. Sam feels that way, I feel that way, and hell – I’m pretty sure Allison would kill the both of us if we told you to beat it.”

 That earns him a half-hearted chuckle, and Dean tries to give the broken angel sitting before him a reassuring smile.

 “You’re not useless Cas. Never have been and never will be. Sure, we’ll have to put you through some basic run-down training… but you’re already one of the best damn fighters I know. Just because you’re losing your mojo or whatever doesn’t mean you’re worthless.”

 Castiel is looking at him again, a sad smile on his face. At least the tears have stopped and his cheeks are dry. _Mission accomplished_ Dean thinks.

 “Thank you, Dean.”

Five minutes later Dean and Cas walk out of his room and find Sam and Allison talking in whispered voices at the kitchen table. Sam gives them both a small grin when he sees them in the doorway. Allison notices his attention has shifted and turns around in her chair to face them.

 “Hey Cas!” she smiles, “Sam and I were just talking about how we should take you shopping for some new clothes. Since, you’re going to need them now.”

 Cas offers her a shy smile and a nod, uttering a quiet “that would be nice, thank you.”

 Dean winks at her from behind Castiel’s shoulder and pats his friend on the back before moving into the room to stand above Allison, kissing the top of her head.

 “So this is it huh?” Sam says, a lopsided smile on his face.

 “This is what?” Allison answers, and Dean can only laugh.

He crouches down next to Allison’s chair and places his hand lovingly on her stomach.

 “Yeah Sammy, this is it. The new and improved team free will.”


	6. Waste

To enhance reading experience, listen to [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyawlnc375Y)

* * *

 

“Cas, no you can’t buy that – no – hey! Don’t touch that. Oh my go- CAS PUT THAT DOWN!”

 In hindsight, bringing Cas to the mall probably wasn’t Dean’s best idea. But the dude needed clothes and Allison had suggested bringing him to the mall because she needed some things from there too. Of course within ten seconds of stepping foot into said mall she took off in her own direction with a “have fun! Call me when you’re done!” And left Dean to find Castiel some normal clothes, _by himself_.

 Fantastic.

 He’s successfully found Cas a few shirts, a new coat, and boots. Presently, they’re trying to tackle the seemingly impossible task of buying the guy some jeans.

 “I don’t understand why I need to wear these..” Cas grumbles, pinching the denim between his fingers as he stands in front of the dressing room.

 “Because normal people don’t wear slacks every day all day Cas.” Dean snaps back. His temper is seriously being tested here, and he’s one pair of pants away from just giving up and walking out of the store.

 Cas pouts. “They’re uncomfortable.”

 Dean is going to throw himself off a cliff.

 “Christ – would you just try them on?! Here, take these.”

 He’s too tired to pretend to care, so he shoots the lady staring at them a dirty look and pushes Cas into the dressing room with a handful of jeans.

 “I’ll be right out here” he assures Castiel, and moves away from the door once he hears a grunt of affirmation from the other side. He dials Allison’s number and sits on the bench outside the dressing room.

 “Hellloooo” she sing-songs.

 “Yeah, hello.” Dean grouches.

 Allison giggles, “uh-oh what happened?”

 “Nothing _happened_ ” Dean sighs, “I’ve just been spending the last half an hour trying to get Cas into a pair of pants and if I have to deal with another one of his dumb excuses I’m going to either strangle him or kill myself. Or both.”

 She laughs and Dean can hear her shifting her bags from one hand to the other.

 “I think I’ve tortured you both enough for one day. Where are you? I’ll meet you guys up there and take over jean duty.”

 Dean could kiss her.

 “Thank god. We’re in Macy’s at the second floor men’s dressing rooms.”

 “Alright, I’ll see you in a few. Hang in there soldier.”

 Dean chuckles and mumbles a quick “roger” before hanging up and heading back into the dressing room.

 “Cas?”

 “Yes?”

 “Hey, how ya doin’ in there?”

 There’s the soft ruffle of clothes, and then a click as the lock to the dressing room door opens. Dean backs up, and Cas emerges wearing a pale grey t-shirt and dark jeans, a couple extra pairs draped over his arm.

 “I believe these will suffice.” He deadpans.

 Dean’s not sure how long he stands there with his mouth hanging open. It’s weird to see Cas so – so average. Dean never noticed how bulky Cas’ old ensemble used to make him, the guy is actually pretty lean. He’s all wiry muscle, like a runner or swimmer, and looks like he’s spent the last year in California perfecting his golden tan.

Dean whistles low and appreciatively, if only to see how red Cas’ face gets when he’s embarrassed.

 “Lookin’ good man, those jeans fit too?” Dean questions, taking the three other pairs of pants from Castiel’s arm.

 “I- uhm – yes. They fit.” Cas stutters.

 Dean smirks, and just as he’s about to tell Cas change back into his old clothes Allison shows up.

 “Hey boys – _wowza_!” She stops dead in her tracks and sizes Cas up from head to toe. He goes red in the face again and looks down at his feet bashfully.

 “Alright – Alright, get a room you two.” Dean teases as he pecks Allison on the cheek.

“You get everything you needed? – Cas go get dressed.”

 Allison nods, “Yeah, I found everything on my list. Why don’t you go ahead and pay for those jeans, I’ll stay here and wait for Cas.”

 Dean hums and takes Allison’s bags from her, leaving towards the register.

 “Hey Cas?” Allison starts, once Dean is out of earshot.

The door to the dressing room clicks open and Cas peers out at her, shrugging his trench coat onto his shoulders.

 “Allison?”

 “Can I talk to you about something?” she whispers.

 “Of course.” Castiel blurts, motioning for her to sit on the bench just outside the dressing room, taking the seat next to her.

 “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.. ya know, with everything going on.” Allison murmurs, running a hand through her hair.

 “I’m not sure what you mean…” Cas says, tilting his head in confusion. “Are you referring to my failing grace?”

 Allison shushes him quietly, and sends the lady walking past them a reassuring smile.

“Not so loud sweetheart” she chides.

 “My apologies.”

 Allison takes one of Castiel’s hands in both of hers.

“It’s alright. But yes, I was referring to how you feel about – well – being human.”

She doesn’t miss the way Cas’ eyes go glazed over, like he’s checking out of the conversation.

 “Cas..” she coos, “It’s okay to be scared.”

That doesn’t seem to be helping, because he still doesn’t answer.

“Being human isn’t exactly easy, and I’ve been one my whole life!” she jokes, patting his hand.

 That seems to bring Cas out of his reverie and he blinks the moisture from his eyes, smiling at Allison and placing his other hand over hers.

 “Thank you Allison. I don’t doubt that I am in good hands. It is… comforting to know that I have someone such as yourself caring for me. I just wish – I’m very sorry that I can no longer offer comfort to the baby.”

 Allison gapes at him, eyes widening.

 “Oh angel, no. Castiel you mean much more than to me than the calmness you provided. You’re as much of my family as Dean and Sam are, and we _all_ love you.”

Castiel can barely keep the tears welling up in his eyes from spilling over, but he clears his throat and tightens his grip on Allison’s hand.

 “I love you all as well. Even this one…” he sniffles, placing a hand over Allison’s now 6 month old pregnant belly. The baby chooses that exact moment to kick against Cas’ hand and he recoils like he’s just burnt his hand on the stove, his blue eyes going huge and round.

 Allison laughs at his reaction and reaches for his hand again, placing it back against her stomach.

 “Here – put your hand right here and wait.”

 The baby kicks right on cue and Allison holds Cas’ hand in place on her stomach, watching as his eyes go wide in wonderment. He looks up at her, mouth open in awe and eyes twinkling.

 “This is – I like this.” Cas whispers, a small smile on his face.

 “I’m pretty sure the baby likes you back Cas” Allison muses, grinning at Castiel as he stares at her belly and waits for another kick. “Everything is gonna be ok.”


	7. Any Other Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING***
> 
> This is a warning that there is mention of blood in this chapter. Nothing too gory, but I just want to be safe. Things are getting pretty angsty, so be forewarned. HUGE THANKS TO EVERYONE READING - Enjoy this chapter!

To enhance reading experience, listen to[ this. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIjWaulrLjs)

 

* * *

 

Dean loves the little niche he’s found himself in.He doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy in his life. Allison is beautiful, glowing in her eighth month of pregnancy. Sam resolutely buys them the most unnecessary baby shit Dean’s ever seen, but he goes along with it because according to his brother, “you never know”. Castiel spends all of his time learning the basics of humanity and reading every book under the sun about what to expect when the baby arrives. The poor guy seems more freaked out than Dean is, and that’s saying something.

 Everything is going perfect.

Until it isn’t.

 It’s July 23rd at 3:46 A.M. and Dean wakes up to the sound of someone sobbing his name. He rolls to face the noise, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and searching for Allison in the darkness. He reaches out his hand, mumbling a soft “Ally?” and that’s when he feels it.

 Warm, sticky, and soaking the sheets. He doesn’t have to look at his hand to know that it’s blood.

 He moves faster than he’s ever moved in his life, running to the light switch and almost blinding himself with the sudden brightness. He can see Allison clearly on the bed now, curled in on herself and clutching her stomach like she’s just been kicked in the gut. Her face is contorted in pain, eyes closed tightly and sobs wracking her body. Dean’s heart goes directly to his throat and he rushes to her side.

 “Ally, baby, I know you’re in pain but you’ve gotta get up. We need to take you to the hospital.”

 Allison just moans, breath hitching on a cry. Dean wipes the sweat from her brow and kisses her on the forehead. He wants to throw up. 

 “I know sweetheart, I know. I’m going to go wake up Sam and Cas and then I’ll be back to lift you up okay?” He babbles quickly, watching as Allison nods her head weakly before running out into the hallway.

 He busts into Sam’s room, flicking on the light and yelling a quick “Allison has to go the hospital, it’s the baby! Go wake up Cas for me!” before rushing back out. Sam is wide awake in the blink of an eye, grunting an “oh shit” and bolting out the door to Castiel’s room.

 Dean arrives back in his room to see Allison sitting on the edge of the bed, arms still wrapped tightly around her stomach and convulsing slightly. Her hands are covered in blood and Dean wants to cry. He moves swiftly into the room so he can crouch in front of her and runs his hands soothingly down her cheeks.

 “C’mon Ally, let’s get you to the doctor ok? Everything’s going to be fine baby.”

Dean’s not sure if he’s lying to make himself or Allison feel better at this point.

She nods again, and whimpers when Dean lifts her up into his arms bridal style.

He starts to move out of the room, but is stopped when Cas comes barreling in, hair a wild mess and his eyes scared.

 He takes one look at Allison in Dean’s arms, the blood on her hands and all over her nightgown, how pale she is, and crumbles.

 “No. No no no!” Cas chokes, moving to stand in front of Dean and pressing his palm to Allison’s forehead.

 “Cas what the _hell are you doing_?! Move! We need to get her to the hospital!” Dean screams, trying to move Allison away from Castiel’s hand.

 Cas glares at him, eyes dark and livid.

“This is all I have left Dean, _please_ let me _help her_!” he growls, pressing his palm harder onto Allison’s forehead.

 “What the fuck are you talking about?!” Dean snarls

 “My _GRACE_!” is all Castiel shouts before blinding blue-hazed light erupts from the space where his palm is connected to Allison’s skin.

She arches in Dean’s arms, her back bowing. She lets out an ear-shattering cry and falls limp in Dean’s grasp as soon as the light disappears. Cas removes his hand, wavering on his feet and clutching his head. Dean moves forward to steady him, but is useless with Allison lying unconscious in his arms.

 “She should be in considerably less pain now, but she still needs a hospital.” Cas advises, shaking his head and ushering Dean out the door.

 Dean can’t even form words in order to argue, so he lets Sam and Cas pack their bags in record time while he murmurs reassurances into Allison’s ear. She’s unconscious, but some color is returning to her cheeks and Dean is so grateful he could weep. Sam hauls 2 duffel bags over his shoulders and leads the way out of the bunker. Cas helps Dean navigate his way up the stairs with Allison balanced in his arms, and opens the car door for him once they’ve made it to the Impala.

 Dean forgets to breathe the entire way to the hospital, eyes trained on Allison’s face as he watches her chest rise and fall slowly but steadily. Cas turns around in the passenger seat more than once to place his hand over Allison’s forehead and whisper in enochian. Dean isn’t sure it’s really doing anything anymore, but he’s got nothing else to hold his hope to.

 When they finally arrive at the emergency room, Sam tells Cas to get out and tell the front desk that they need a wheelchair. He throws the Impala in park and runs around the side to help Dean get Allison out of the car, her eyelids finally fluttering open. She’s still unsteady on her feet, and her knees give out as soon as Dean tries to stand her up. Cas arrives with 2 nurses and a wheelchair no more than five seconds later and Allison is sat down and whisked away before their very eyes.

 Everything passes in slow motion. Dean can barely comprehend what is happening, doesn’t even remember how he ended up in a hospital room. He can only blink as a doctor shoves scrubs into his arms and orders him to put them on. Allison is fully awake now, gasping in pain and panting Dean’s name when she can get herself to take a breath.

 “Please – Please don’t leave me.” She says through clenched teeth.

 Dean takes her hand and presses it against his chest.

“I’m right here Ally, I’m not going anywhere.”

 A fresh batch of tears trails down her face.

“It hurts so bad Dean… I can’t do this.”

 “You’re gonna be ok Allison. You’re gonna be fine and so is the baby” Dean promises. He kisses the back of her hand, tasting the traces of blood the nurses weren’t able to clean off in their frenzied preparation. He holds her fingers to his lips and breathes in.

 “Mr.Winchester? I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to leave” one of the nurses says, and Dean immediately panics. He tightens his grip on Allison’s hand and reaches down to pet her hair with his unoccupied hand.

 “I’ll be right here when you get done baby, okay?”

 Allison hiccups and tries to smile, but can barely keep her eyes open. Dean kisses her hand one more time and leans down to kiss her on the lips.

Even now she tastes like home.

 The last thing he sees before he’s led out of the room is Allison kissing the hand he had been clutching and holding it out towards him.

 “I love you” she mouths.

 Dean starts to speak, “I lo-“ and the door is shut between them.


	8. Ocean Floor

To enhance reading experience, listen to [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpTFu8eIX70)

* * *

 

Dean isn’t sure how long they wait, but he knows it feels like forever.

Cas won’t stop pacing back and forth. The pajama pants he shoved on before leaving the bunker are too long, trailing on the floor and getting stuck under his shoes. Dean’s pretty sure they’re Sam’s.

Sam is nowhere to be found, and when Dean realizes that he’s missing and asks Castiel where he is, Cas simply shakes his head and mumbles “I don’t know”.

Dean goes back to staring at the floor and watching Cas’ feet go in and out of his vision.

 Sam finally returns to the maternity ward with 3 cups of coffee and bagels.

“Here.” He sighs.

 Cas stops pacing and clutches the Styrofoam cup to his chest like it’s made of gold. Sam stands in front of Dean and holds his coffee in front of his face, waiting for Dean to take it.

 Dean doesn’t want coffee. He doesn’t want anything. He just wants to see Allison.

 “I know Dean . . . we do too.” Sam whispers, and Dean realizes he’s said that out loud. He’s got to stop doing that.

 Sam looks at him with so much pity that Dean wants to hurl his coffee across the room. Cas has gone back to pacing, and Dean has to resist the urge to trip him. Everything is making him crazy, and he needs to get out. Now.

 “I can’t do this right now” he snaps, “I’m going to get some air. Call me if anything happens.”

 Dean doesn’t wait for Sam to reply before standing up and pushing through the giant double doors. It takes him almost a full 10 minutes to get all the way back down to the ground floor of the hospital, but the cool morning air feels good on his face and in his lungs. He takes a few deep breathes and sits down on a bench, scrubbing his hands down his face. They smell like the hospital. Dean groans and pulls out his phone. He presses the home button to bring the screen to life and starts scrolling through his photos.

 There are pictures of him and Sam, taken by Allison when they weren’t paying attention. There are pictures of Allison’s ultrasounds, after each visit to the doctor. They had mutually decided to wait until the baby was born to know the sex, simply and lovingly referring to the baby as the “little one”. A few photos are of him and Ally together, smiling. There’s one of them kissing, one of them at the doctor’s office, and one picture of Allison that Dean had taken when she was sleeping. She had dozed off in the library, a book resting on top of her stomach and the lamp on the desk next to her casting shadows on her face. Dean had thought she’d looked the most beautiful he’d ever seen her.

 But one picture in particular catches his eye, and he clicks on it to get a better look. Sam or Allison must have taken it, because he doesn’t remember ever taking a picture with Cas.

 It’s cropped closely, only showing down to their chests. He looks at himself in the picture, crowded intimately into Castiel’s space with their shoulders touching. He’s looking at Cas, a small grin on his face and his eyes hooded with affection. Cas is oblivious to Dean’s gaze, as he looks down at something out of frame. His expression is almost identical to Dean’s, and it’s then that he remembers when it must have been taken.

Allison and Dean had come home from an ultrasound appointment, and Dean was so giddy with excitement that he had thrust the pictures into Cas’ hand and sat down next to him without a word. Cas had gasped and stared at the three tiny photos in his hands, murmuring enochian at them. Dean remembers how much he wanted to hug Cas in that moment, tell him thank you and that this baby was going to be lucky to know him. But he hadn’t. Instead, the words were written all over his face, and Cas hadn’t even noticed.

 Dean is still staring at the picture when Sam’s number pops up on the screen. With trembling fingers Dean answers the call, holding the phone closely to his ear.

 “Sammy?”

 “Dean. Hey. I think you should come up now.”

Sam’s voice is low but steady, and a glimmer of hope sparks in Dean’s chest.

“I’ll be up in a sec” he grumbles, hanging up and shoving his phone into his pocket as he stands. The elevator takes longer than he wants it to, and his hand shakes when he reaches out to press the number for the maternity ward floor.

 When he finally shoves his way back through the doors, he sees Sam standing with a doctor, arms folded and a tense expression on his face while he listens to the man talk. Cas is sitting in one of the chairs lined up against the wall, staring into space with a shaking hand over his mouth.

 Dean forces his legs to move, and walks towards his brother. Sam hears him approaching and turns to face him. He plasters on a weak smile, and now that Dean is standing closer to him he can see that Sam’s eyes are rimmed red. A wave of nausea hits him.

 “You must be Dean, the father. I’m Dr. Richardson.”

 Dean switches his gaze from his brother’s face to the doctor. The guy looks like he hasn’t slept in three days.

 “Is that- am I? Am I a father?” Dean says frantically.

 Doctor Richardson offers him a small smile, and nods.

“You’re a father. To a healthy baby girl I might add.”

 Dean can feel the smile of relief break out over his face, and he collapses into Sam’s side.

 "A girl. Sammy, did you hear that? I’ve got a daughter… _Christ_.”

 Sam gives him a tight smile, nothing at all like how Dean would expect his brother to react. He suddenly feels very, very sick.

 “What about the mother? What about Allison, is she okay?”

 The doctor sighs. “I’m so sorry . . . she lost a lot of blood. We tried our best… but there was nothing we could do without risking the baby’s life as well.”

 Dean feels the walls closing in around him, but the doctor keeps talking.

 “I - offer you and your family my condolences, and if there’s anything I can do to help – please – let me know.”

With that he nods at Sam, and takes his leave.

 

Everything is white noise buzzing around in Dean’s head. He can’t think straight, the lights are too bright, and the hand that comes down on his shoulder makes him jump.

 “Dean..” Sam whispers, “I’m so sor-“

 “Don’t.”

 Sam clamps his mouth shut and removes his hand from Dean’s shoulder, walking over to Cas with a sigh. Dean turns around to face the two of them, and sees Cas trembling like a leaf. Quiet sobs are traveling through his body, and Dean can’t stand it anymore. It suddenly hits him, that she’s gone. Maybe he had been hoping that it was all some sick attempt at a joke, but Cas’ tears only serve as confirmation.

 Allison is dead, and Dean is alone.

 Castiel is staring at him with tears flowing down his cheeks, Sam at his side with a hand on his shoulder ineffectively trying to soothe him. Dean’s chest feels tight, and he clutches a hand over his chest before he doubles over and yells.

 He screams until his voice and legs give out, and he feels the cold linoleum of the hospital floor through his jeans. The only thing he can see through the blurriness of his tears are white tiles, until warm hands are on his cheeks forcing his head up. Dean squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to see Sam’s red eyes and sympathetic face. Thumbs stroke over his cheekbones, wiping the moisture from his tears away.

 “Dean” A gravely voice says. Not Sam.

 Watery lapis blue eyes swim into his vision, full of grief. Dean’s heart constricts again, thumping painfully in his chest. Cas is on his knees in front of him, the pads of his thumbs still methodically smoothing over his cheeks.

Castiel doesn’t have to say a word for Dean to see how pained he is. He hurts just as much, and Dean can only suck in a raggedy breath before lurching forward and wrapping his arms around Cas and burying his face in his neck. His friend welcomes the embrace and engulfs Dean in the warmth of his arms with a shaky sigh.

“You are the strongest man I know, Dean Winchester” Cas whispers, and holds him until Dean feels like he can breathe again.

 Sam helps them up, and wraps Dean in his arms once he’s on his feet again. Dean hugs his trembling brother, soothing him with a hand on the back of his head. When they pull apart a nurse is there to tell them they’re welcome to see the baby whenever they’re ready and Dean begins to cry again, but this time for an entirely different reason.

 He has a baby girl, and she needs him now.


	9. Death Is Like a Beating Drum

To enhance listening experience, listen to [this. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgZvsdEiO1g)

* * *

“Alright, you boys sit tight and I’ll bring the little lady to you”

Dean fidgets in his seat in the cold hospital room while Sam paces nervously back and forth. Cas is all but lost to the world, standing completely unmoving and staring out the window, not even daring to face the doorway.

The nurse is only gone for ten minutes before Dean hears a wailing infant coming down the hallway. His heart rate immediately skyrockets and he buries his face in his sweaty palms. Cas and Sam both perk up at the noise, Sam stumbling across the room the poke his head out into the hallway. Castiel finally moves from his statuesque pose at the window and faces the door. Dean can hear the hitches in his breath as the crying gets louder and louder.

“Here’s the princess fella’s” the nurse announces as she wheels a clear hospital bassinet into the room. There are ungodly screeches erupting from its contents and Dean almost laughs at how terrified he is.

“Thank you, Katie.” Cas says, reading the young nurses nametag. He doesn’t move any closer to the crying infant though, terror frozen in his eyes.

“No trouble at all,” Katie nods “I’d assume ‘daddy’ wants to hold the beautiful girl first right?”

 Before Dean even has time to think he’s being approached by the nurse in polka-dot scrubs holding a wailing bundle in her arms. Sam strides back across the room and stands next to Dean’s chair, anxiously watching Katie place the baby in his arms.

“She’s been crying like this for hours… Some of us tried to rock her a bit, try to soothe her. Nothing’s been working though.”

 Dean peels his eyes away from Katie and looks down at the – _his_ – baby. Her inhuman wails are quieting down, becoming small broken cries instead. In a matter of two minutes she has all but fallen silent. The nurse looks at him in wonderment and smiles.

“Guess she just wanted her daddy.”

“Yeah..” Dean replies, his throat dry. Katie leaves the room, patting Sam and Cas on the backs as she goes and muttering soft congratulations.

 Dean has never seen anything more beautiful. He runs a fingertip over the soft pink skin of his daughter’s cheek and she makes a noise. He smiles and looks up at Sam, who is crowding over him. Sam’s eyes are wet, and he puts a hand down on the baby’s head as she continues to gurgle. Dean looks around for Cas and finds him in the corner of the room, his arms wrapped around himself and eyes on the scene in front of him.

“Cas… come say hello” Sam whispers.

With a nod from Dean, Cas walks slowly over to the brothers. His eyes are glistening with tears and it makes Dean’s chest hurt. Castiel leans over, one hand on the back of Dean’s chair and the other reaching out to run a fingertip over the baby’s face. He starts whispering in enochian while rubbing his thumb over her forehead and Dean closes his eyes.

When he opens them, the baby is looking right back at him with tiny hazel eyes.

He laughs wetly when Cas gasps.

“God, Dean…” Sam chokes, “she’s perfect.”

“Yeah Sammy. Yeah, she is…”

She blinks up at him as he runs a careful hand over her soft, lightly haired head.

They all take turns holding her. Sam cradles her in the crook of his elbow like she was meant to be there and Dean’s heart soars at the sight of it. When Sam kisses her head and moves to hand her over, Cas immediately holds out his hands as if he can’t reach her fast enough. She’s clearly loving the attention, sleeping peacefully in Castiel’s arms as he sways back and forth gently.

The nurse, Katie, returns a little while later to take care of all the paperwork.

Dean realizes that the fate of his baby girls name rests in the hands of three men and almost has an aneurism right there in the room. Sam goes through tons of names: Madison, Emily, Ashley, Cassidy. Dean hates them all.

“Well, you’re not helping Dean” Sam accuses. “Maybe if you actually contributed some names we’d be able to figure this out easier.”

“I don’t _know_ what to name her, man! It’s stressful. She’s gonna have to live with whatever name we give her today for the rest of her fucking life… it’s a big deal.”

“What about Riley?” Cas mumbles, still swaying around the room with the baby in his arms.

“Riley?” Sam asks, a ‘that’s-not-too-bad’ expression on his face.

Dean’s heart is in his throat, but he pushes past it and speaks, watching Cas carefully.

“Riley. Riley was – was Allison’s middle name.”

“Yes.” Castiel answers, at the same time Sam whispers “Ohh…”

Cas looks at Dean with a sad smile on his face and walks over to him to place his daughter back into his arms.

Dean looks down at his baby and smiles, tears swimming in his vision.

“Yeah – Yeah okay. Riley it is. And – Allison had always said she loved the name Jane.”

“Well then, lets go with Riley Jane Winchester.” Sam announces, looking to Dean for affirmation.

Dean nods his head and repeats the name over and over again, satisfied.

Katie fills out the birth certificate and tells them that they have to keep Riley overnight, just as a precaution. Katie lets Dean feed her before they go however, and when Riley is taken out of his arms Cas is there to fill them. Sam envelopes them both in a hug and the hole in Dean’s chest begins to fill.

“Cas and I will head back to the bunker and get everything set up, don’t worry about it. Just stay at the motel across the street and we’ll come pick you up tomorrow okay?”

Dean is too numb with emotion to do anything except for what his brother tells him to. Sam and Cas drop him off across the street with the few things of his they had packed in a bag. He pays for the night and waves to the Impala as the two of them drive away.

The room is small and musty, but nothing he hasn’t had to deal with before. Dean knows he won’t be able to get any rest, so he takes a shower instead and watches tv until he gets a headache. It isn’t until it starts to rain that Dean is lulled to sleep.

He dreams of Allison, haunted by her chestnut hair and golden brown eyes. She looks nothing like she did in life, her skin is deathly pale and her face is skeletal thin. She strokes his cheeks softly and asks him in a warped voice to take care of their baby.

“I can’t do this without you” Dean tries to say.

“You don’t have to” Allison smiles at him, black smoke swirling around her face. “there’s someone who loves you just as much as I do. Go, now.”

 When she leans forward to kiss him on the forehead Dean startles awake, panting and sweaty like he’s just run a marathon. His head thumps back against the headboard as he takes deep gulping breaths, trying to calm down his rapid heart rate. _Fuck_ , sleep isn’t going to be an option tonight. Dean sighs and swings his legs out from under the covers, the cool air of the room drying the sweat on his skin. A sudden wave of nausea hits him and he sprints to the bathroom, getting the toilet seat open just in time to retch into the bowl. Nothing is coming up, but Dean’s body wont stop convulsing. He sits on the floor of the bathroom for a solid hour, and even then he feels too weak to stand.

_I could just stay here until morning_ He thinks. But the linoleum floor is starting to hurt his knees, and so Dean pushes against the toilet and hoists himself up with another hand on the sink counter. His vision swims, and he sways backwards a bit before regaining his balance and his eyesight. Nothing could be going more horrific than this night.

Dean stumbles back into the room and finds his bed in the dark. It can’t be past 3 in the morning and still he’s fully awake. He sits propped up in bed, his pillow bunched behind his back.

Sleep doesn’t return.


	10. Little Wonders

To enhance reading experience, listen to [this. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhZ1BdMtw_Q)

* * *

Sam and Cas arrive to pick him up early the next morning, the sun just starting to appear in the sky. Dean drags himself out of bed, splashing his face quickly with cold water in the bathroom sink before grabbing his duffel bag off the bed and heading out to the running Impala.

Dean throws his duffel in the back seat and jogs up to the front desk of the motel to turn in his key. When he comes back outside, Cas is stepping out of the passenger seat with a huge smile on his face.

“Good morning Dean.”

“Mornin’ Cas. Why’d you get out of the car?”

Cas’ smile drops, and he looks confused.

“I – assumed you would want to sit ‘shotgun’.”

Dean can practically hear the air quotes in the sentence, and he chuckles quietly. He pats Castiel on the shoulder as he passes, smiling affectionately.

“Sure Cas. Thanks.”

Sam smiles at him when Dean slides into the passenger seat, Cas adjusting his position in the back of the car. They pull out of the parking lot and start to head towards the hospital.

“Alright, so Cas and I were up all night last night getting everything set up. The crib is in your room, along with the changing table and all of the baby’s clothes. We brought some outfits with us, and the car seat is in the trunk. I couldn’t really figure out how to get it in, so… we’ll just have to work on it.”

Sam hasn’t taken a breathe since starting his sentence and Dean laughs as he watches the trees pass by the window.

“What?”

“Nothing man, just – thank you. Both of you.” Dean turns his head to smile at his brother, and then twists in his seat to shoot Cas a grin.

The ride to the hospital is short, and by the time they pull into the parking lot Dean’s hands are shaking.

“Dean, it’s going to be fine.” Cas reaches over the seat and places a hand on Dean’s shoulder, massaging the tense muscle with his fingers.

Dean takes a deep breathe through his nose and exhales through his mouth, concentrating on Cas’ hand on his shoulder. Sam tells him he’s just going to let the two of them out and keep the car running. He promises to have the car seat in place by the time they come down, and Dean gives him a half-assed smile as he steps out onto the sidewalk. Cas leads him inside the building and they head straight up to the maternity ward, Dean tapping his fingers restlessly against his thigh. When they push through the double doors, Cas waltzes straight up to the desk and looks over his shoulder at Dean to urge him over.

“Can I help you?” the nurse sitting behind the desk asks.

“Uh- yes. I’m, here to pick up a baby.” Dean winces at how strange that sounds, and immediately begins to try and correct himself.

“Mr. Winchester!”

Castiel and Dean both spin to see the nurse Katie bustling down the hall towards them. A flurry of papers escape from her hands and Cas crouches to collect them for her.

“Oh gosh, thank you. I was in such a hurry to get over here I picked up all the wrong paperwork. But I got it sorted out!” She places a manila folder filled with papers on the desk in front of Dean and shoves the loose papers into the bottom of the stack.“SO! Riley is all ready to go, she had no issues overnight. The hospital just needs you to sign all this boring stuff and then you can be on your way with your gorgeous baby girl, okay?”

Dean goes through all the paperwork with Katie, the pen in his hand wobbling when they come across all of Allison’s death records and arrangements. Dean has to excuse himself to get some fresh air and is grateful when Cas doesn’t follow him out into the main hallway. When he returns Katie tells him that he can sign the rest of the paperwork by himself, while she and Cas go to retrieve Riley. Dean nods absently and starts signing papers left and right, eager to get them out of the way and his baby girl back into his arms.

He finishes signing all the paperwork before Cas and Katie return, so he stands awkwardly by the front desk, anxiously switching from foot to foot. Dean only stills when he sees Castiel appear from around the corner, a swaddled bundle in his arms and a huge smile on his face for the second time today. Katie follows behind him, carrying a small diaper bag. Dean only has eyes for Riley, as Cas walks closer and closer, passing the infant over to Dean’s waiting arms.

“Hey there beautiful…” Dean greets, rubbing the pad of his thumb over his daughters pink cheek.

“She’s all set and ready to go, Mr. Winchester,” Katie offers the bag in her hand to Cas. “This is just a few essentials, some bottles, formula, diapers. I know it’s not much but – we wanted to help in any way we could.”

“Thank you, Katie.” Cas says solemnly. The nurse sighs and tugs him into a quick hug and then moves to peck Dean on the cheek.

“You boys take care of that princess, got it?”

Dean salutes with his free hand. “Yes ma’am.”

The ride down in the elevator feels like an eternity, but Dean can’t take his eyes off his daughter sleeping soundly in his arms. Cas leads him out of the elevator with a hand at the small of his back when they reach the ground floor. Sam has the Impala parked at the curb, the back seat open to reveal a white infant car seat with pink and purple electric guitars all over it. Dean can’t help but laugh.

Sam adjusts the seat and makes sure that it’s properly secure before allowing Dean to strap Riley in. Dean even notices that he’s wrapped a small Velcro mobile around the handle of the car seat. When he backs out of the car doorway, Sam moves forward to get a good look at the baby.

“I gotta say Dean, she has got to be the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”

Dean smirks, “I’d have to agree with you there Sammy.”

They all pile into the Impala, Sam and Cas in the front and Dean sitting in the back with Riley. And _Christ_ , Dean is anxious to get home too - but by the way Sam is driving you’d think he was playing Grand Theft Auto. Except, every time Dean tells him to slow down, Sam starts laughing and sputtering, “I’m going the speed limit Dean!”

“Yeah, well go _slower than the speed limit_ , Sam!”

Cas just rolls his eyes and counts the minutes until they arrive back at the bunker.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first Supernatural fanfiction, and I am so happy to be able to share it with everyone in this wonderful fandom. Feedback is always appreciated, especially this is my first time posting my work! Thank you so so much to everyone reading, and I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I did writing it.


End file.
